My Immortal (Song Fiction- Italy Sicily)

((Author's Note: This is for my Hetalia OC Sicily. Don't like OCs, then casually walk away now and don't bother me with hate speech. It uses Evanescence's song My Immortal and those lyrics are between the slashes. [Hint* // -- //] Please enjoy))

Dear diary,

For the longest I've wanted to simply be my own country... not to have something to boast about. But so I could finally stand next to my siblings and feel like an equal. Yet that dream right now seems so childish. So far. I can't even begin to see it from where I stand now. It was so close... so very close but dammit... that too had to be stolen from me...

Love,
Aria Celestina Vargas
Sicilia

//I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my
Childish fears.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone//

So many years had passed since nonno Roma was killed; that being the day I was forever changed. Never again would I look upon that childish and goofy girl that he knew to be his granddaughter with a kind eye. She was weak and could only cry as the man who was supposed to be her nonno's best friend, Germania, killed him mercilessly in the streets of ancient Rome. That didn't just shatter Western Europe but also shattered the mind of the little girl the fallen Rome had raised alongside with her siblings...

It separated us.
Emotionally...
Physically...
And mentally as well.

//These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase//

My one security ended up being with mio fratellone Romano through much of it. Yet most times when we weren't together I was alone. All alone... I'd wish for those days of my childhood to return back then. To take away the bitterness that had become myself. A female replica of mio fratellone... it made it hurt worse since every time I looked at him or in a mirror I could only see mio nonno standing there with me once more...

Most times I would nearly cry.

There wasn't any way I could confide in anyone anymore to tell them the feeling of inner death. I had lost mia famiglia; all there was… was fighting in a broken world... and I stayed within it until I was truly alone. Finally independent. This little bit of liberty having a plague come and screw up... the Black Death... entering through my ports.

//When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...
All of me//

Four straight years of it... nearly eighty percent dead... dead bodies everywhere... I would've gone insane if I was still like mio fratellone. But they changed me.

I committed one of the worst crimes a nation could...
Give your heart to a human.

Yet for me it wasn't love as a lover, no I had no real knowledge of such things. It was love as a family; my heart melted and loved them almost as much as I did my real blood. ...During those times I witness the 'miracle of life' in progress... but also how not everything is permanent, so I should be thankful and cherish what is given. It made me more depressed because with each death I remembered nonno Roma, but it taught me how to deal with such things better... hardened me in a way.

//You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind//

Il bambino that was born to 'mia famiglia' was a beautiful baby boy. It gave me some strange sense of joy; and his parents knew this well. They had pulled me in from certain insanity and sheltered me but no matter what I was still a girl. For papà I could never be strong enough, never good enough. For mamma I was her little light, someone that gave her hope in such a misty world.

It never occurred to me how fragile their lives were...
Back then I had guessed that it was God punishing me for my sin.

The plague took papà first. He began feeling ill at night and spoke with mamma; I was so groggy that I couldn't understand but they both were crying. By the time I realized that he was leaving he was already nearly to the door. His words I remember to this day:
"You're a very special girl."
…
Sei una ragazza molto speciale...

//Your face it haunts
My one pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me//

That was the last time I had ever seen him, I knew he died. He had to. With the airborne sickness and the fact that death was already swallowing him he couldn't have lasted much longer.

Not too many weeks later mamma began feeling ill as well. I awoke early to suo bambino crying… finding her lifeless and devastated on her bed, suo bambino in her arms.
It was disgusting. I even threw up a little.

But I cried more because once again those I held dear were stripped from me and there wasn't a thing I could do. So without proper food il bambino soon died with his parents. It scared me even more... his eyes were kind and reminded me of mio fratellone Veneziano. I hadn't seen dear Venzi in so long and this awoke a fear of losing everyone again because now... I had to stick out the rest of the plague on my own.

//These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase//

There wasn't too much time left until I was reunited with not just fratellone Romano but with fratellone Spagna as well. I loved miei fratelli but I was reduced to a mere colony and didn't really know who was my ruler above Spagna, who was my boss at the time… it was irritating to me. My royals mixed with the Spanish court but I knew that to Spagna's boss my island was nothing more than a tool… to Spagna though I was special, his younger sibling. And henchman.

Romano didn't do much work because of his movement disease and I didn't want to feel like I was being used, nothing really got done in the matters of cleaning. This of course was irritating to both Spagna and his boss; Romano and I wouldn't learn Spanish well, we wouldn't clean or do his bidding. I heard one thing that Spagna wanted to trade Romano out for fratellone Venzi because Romano was too much to handle most times.

Jerk.

//When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...
All of me//

Signore Austria refused this, grazie a Dio. But that wasn't the point.

Spagna didn't see how much that had hurt Romano though! Of course it wouldn't ever help that Romano wouldn't say a word about it. Yet Spagna also didn't know about fratellone's disease, which would have saved so many fights.

Romano always complained about Spagna.
And Spagna complained about Romano.
I sat there and listened to both of them.

Eventually during those talks with me, which really just involved them complaining and pouring out what was on their mind while I sat there quietly like a good girl, they would always end up crying. I'd hug them and tell them it was okay, but never complain when it came to Spagna. Only Romano would hear those worries and see the tears.

Because we were closer somehow and whether we would admit it or not, we cared.

//I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along//

At some point, for only a mere fourteen years or so, I lived with signore Austria. It was kind of awkward really since we hardly shared a word. But it was short lived and soon I was under another ruler like usual. But this ruler was different. It was weird but life was pretty good under them, at some point they helped form the Kingdom of the Two Sicilies where once again me and mio fratellone Romano were together. But it was my name used… it made me so gleeful. Until a time came where I was dragged into the Italian Independence wars.

It was illogical.

Famiglia or not I had really nothing to do with them as they had nothing to do with me.
Nonetheless I assisted as best I could… this leading to difficulties and… Italian Unification.

//When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...
All of me//

So much torment went on through those years, the unification, the loneliness, and the world wars that eventually came. A little thing known as la Cosa Nostra or the mafia formed on the island. Mio Dio I hated and still do hate them. But… because of them helping the Allied powers during the war I was liberated along with Romano. I felt like I had betrayed the Axis Powers by letting it come so easily… but my mind wouldn't take it anymore…

To this day I am fearful of thunder and lightning storms and fireworks, because it reminds me too much of the wars and losses…

//All... me
All... me
All...//

Dear diary,
Even though I am not my own nation at least I can say that I'm better off than some. I am an autonomous region and for now it's close enough.

The past scares me but I am with miei fratelli now.

I don't have to worry about much anymore, not many meetings to attend. And sure the economy is horrible right now, but at least I have people there for me, right? I have friends and family.

But if I could say…
Nonno Roma… ti amo moltissimo e mi manchi. Molto, molto più!

Love,
Aria Celestina Vargas
Sicilia

---Italian to English Translations---
Sicilia- Sicily
Mio nonno- My Grandfather
Roma- Rome
Mio fratellone- My big brother
Mia famiglia- My family
Il bambino- The child (Masculine)
Papà- Dad or Daddy
Mamma- Mom, Mama or Mommy
Sei una ragazza molto speciale- You're a very special girl
Suo bambino- Her child (Masculine)
Spagna- Spain
Miei fratelli- My brothers
Signore- Mister
Grazie a Dio- Thank God
La Cosa Nostra- The Mafia
Mio Dio- My God
Ti amo moltissimo e mi manchi. Molto, Molto più! - I love you very much and I miss you. Very, very much. (Loose translation)